i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
