its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
