does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
