he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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