1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
