I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
