Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
