My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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