Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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