I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize