Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
