Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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