Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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