my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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