I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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