I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
