the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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