Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
