i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
