She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
