Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
