Nicole vs. Life
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
