Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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