Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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