Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
