PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
