he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
