i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Randomize
