I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
