I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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