I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
