I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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