You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
