I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
