oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
