i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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