ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
