Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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