as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sorry about my life...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize