If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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