I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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