Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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