i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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