If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
