I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Randomize
