Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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