Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
