I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
