nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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