Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
