if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
