i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
