K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
