now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i think i have two assholes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
