I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize