it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
