I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
