I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
