i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
MIDGETS
????
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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