PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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