You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
