Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
