so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
