Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
