I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm passing your future prison.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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