the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
