you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
