Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
