She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i came on her dog
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize