the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
