Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
