Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
