I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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