a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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