phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
