Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
