only you would photoshop your dick
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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