I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize