My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got chris browned last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
