Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
