What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
