omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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