Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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