Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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