i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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