I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
