I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
