just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
