note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize